We currently have a ferret named Kabuki, sometimes we just call him by the abbreviated 'buki or 'buke. Roaming the internets this evening I happened upon someone referencing bukake as 'buke porn'. My mind, being what it is, took this cue to provide me with a vision of some random porn starlet having dozens of ferrets drop onto her face. I was not aroused but now I really do want to see a bunch of ferrets covering some chicks face. Where is rule #34 when I need it.
After years of public rejection and critical dismissals as an actor Alan Watson sought solace in the refuge of many a failed artist; black magic. Making meticulous studies of ancient grimoires he soon discovered that his tendency for what one reviewer had described as an 'over-commitment leading to clumsy portrayals devoid of subtlety' made him especially adept as a medium for the manifestation of long forgotten entities from other realms. Still desperate for fame, Alan began presenting occult rites and rituals as performance art and alternative theatre. Audiences unaware they were witnessing the actual crossing over of demons from other worlds were baffled and amazed by what they took to be spectacular special effects. Critics lauded his innovative use of interactive techniques like having the audience serve as the choir and were stunned by what they now took to be fantastic interpretations of a mind riddled by madness when Alan would enter into his trance state as vessel for the horrors.
Alan's masterpiece was a performance entitled Pyli. Over the course of four hours, six hundred and sixteen audience members were enthralled by Alan's marathon monologue wherein his mind crossed over to another plane of existence sharing its visions and then returned to our reality. After the show, Alan locked himself in his dressing room and refused all callers. Hours passed and eventually, fearing for his well being, the staff broke down his door. The dressing room was in complete disarray. Hanging in the center of the room above an overturned chair laying in a puddle blood was Alan Watson's body. He appeared to have slit his wrists and hung himself. Smeared in blood on the wall a final message read, "The doorway is open, now and forevermore."
"The stone doorway dates back to at least 1000 BCE and the inscription is at least that old as well, possibly older. The door was constructed to seal off the only entrance into a system of natural caverns which we believe were the original home of the order. According to tradition the door is opened every 500 years on the anniversary of the founder discovering the caves and taking shelter within them. In all that time, the inscription has never been translated. That is why you were invited here. In one month, we will open the doorway and enter the caverns but this time we will know what it says." As the head monk finished speaking, he turned away from the door and began leading Jack back through the catacombs and up several levels to the main floor of the abbey.
For the next thirty days Jack was afforded every resource the monks could provide as he worked tirelessly to produce a solution to the riddle of the inscription. On the day of the opening he was still without an answer but felt as though he stood upon the precipice of success. Obsessed with this puzzle he begged the master for more time. Disappointed that he would not have the lost knowledge before entering the caverns the head monk allowed Jack to continue working in hopes of securing the translation as a lasting legacy for future members of the order. As the monks made their way into the underworld, Jack toiled in the library. He could hear their chants echo up from below him as they performed the ceremony. Their ancient calls reverberating from the hollow chambers, through the halls of the catacombs lined with the dead, and finally into the abbey itself. When the sounds suddenly stopped he barely noticed as before his eyes the words finally made sense. Hastily he snatched up the rubbing which he had been staring at blankly for so long and took off running as fast as he could. Stumbling over his feet out of desperation, Jack fell against the wall beside the now open door. With a final effort he grabbed the door and started to force it closed only to feel it stopped by the hand of the head monk. The master's eyes were dead as he looked upon Jack and spoke in a hollow, unnatural voice the words which only moments before had finally become clear to him in the library, "The Consumed shall envy the dead"
Lost amidst the ancient forest we followed the goats through the night. Drained of any hope of finding our way home we had been preparing to make camp when they came walking out of the brush. Certain we were about to face the final horror of this strange land which was sure to take our lives, our screams could not be held back any longer but they soon turned to howls of laughter upon seeing that we faced not some unknown demon beast but rather simple farm animals. The goats stood and stared at us until we regained our composure and then began walking ahead of us. Every so often they would stop, look back, and bray at us with an insistence that we follow. We convinced ourselves that it was an omen, that these creatures would be our saviors. With dawn came an ominous thundering overhead. The goats led us to the entrance of a cave just as the deluge tore free of the clouds. At first we thought this was further proof of their beneficent demeanor but they were not leading us to the cave as a shelter but as a destination. Sure footed they led us deep into the the bowels of the earth, their hooves never slipping on the loose gravel though many of the men lost their footing during the descent. After countless hours we came upon a large chamber with a pool at its center. Desperately thirsty, I threw myself down at its edge to drink only to find it thick and brackish more like blood than water. It was then that I saw that it was blood and that gravel we had been slipping on was a thick layer of crushed and ancient bones. The goats fell viciously upon the men tearing them to pieces but strangely ignoring me. I had only a few moments to reflect upon my seeming good fortune before I felt the first tentacle wrap around my waist and the hot breath of the creature on the back of my neck as I was pulled into the pool.
